Stress is a Killer, SuperMom

I’m not a Super Mom, Super Wife, Super whatever… There is nothing appealing about that title that makes me desire it. The title supermom in itself is manipulation running undetected. First if all, no one is “super” anything. This is not a real life Marvel Movie. We are all just humans. Human. Limited and dependent on God and one another for survival. We are not meant to run the show alone but we are forced to in many situations. Humans require a mother and a father to be born. Parenting is a TWO person job. No one is conceived alone. A child needs both parents. The single parent life is hard and children do suffer in some way for the lack of parent involvement. When one parent checks out, we feel it as mothers and the children feel it as well. It’s not the way things are supposed to be but, it is the way things are for many parents married and single. Let me say, just because someone is married, it doesn’t mean both parents are equally supportive in parenting. The term “Super Mom” arises out of inactive parenting and over committing. Sorry guys but you just don’t see campaigns at bus stops encouraging mothers to be more involved with their children. Organizations such as Fathood.gov exists because there is a need for fathers to take their responsibility seriously.

“You are a supermom!”

I cringe every time I hear it. It’s a genuine compliment that acknowledging the hard work mothers do but in all reality, I bet she didn’t enjoy being supermom. Often we don’t enjoy these supermom moments, yet we will beam with pride after things are accomplished. It is an accomplishment to check all the boxes and complete unlimited tasks. We do it and then fall out on the couch from being exhausted. You see, this super mom thing wears us out. We run around here thinking it’s a great label until life hits us and we end up tired. Then we sit there looking undone, crying, with runny mascara and a glass of wine (if that’s your go-to, I prefer an ice cream shake.) Some of us binge watch TV or maybe eat until our bellies can’t take any more. We sit and gaze into the distance while our thoughts run wild either dreaming of getting away and then snap! We are back to mentally going through our to do list or dreading the next task. We might even look over at our husbands and wonder what they are thinking…”Nothing.” Must be nice… God love em! At the end of a tiring day from being “supermom” super wife, superwoman, or super whatever, none of us want to be bothered. I don’t know about you but, that’s not my idea of a great life. How do I know that? I’ve experienced it for over 24 years and counting. I spin my wheels until they just don’t work anymore… and then I go get some more wheels and keep it going. Well, I’ve blown a flat right into a reality check.

My reality check

My body is breaking down. It has been for years and now it’s coming to a head. I’ve been living with a tumor in my ear that is wreaking havoc on my face now. Surgery will solve the issue however, medical care for it is another irritating story. I broke out in hives twice this week. It’s stress induced, not allergies. I looked so horrible the people at urgent care were taken back at how fat my lips were. I looked like I had a bad botched lip job. I had to get a total of 5 shots for these ugly itchy blotches invading my skin. The doctor gave me an EpiPen just in case I needed it, but it’s not allergies. I’m stressed, worn out, and the demands keep coming in waves that knock me down emotionally. Now a few days after the hives, I look like I had a stroke. It’s the tumor and medical care for this tumor has been very HMO slow. I finally had the requested CT Scan for this tumor – finally after insurance approved it. The CT Scan was quick and painless for the most part. When I got in the car, I took a moment to breathe a sigh of relief because that was something required for surgery. It was done. I felt accomplished. Could I have just a moment to feel relieved?
No.
Phone *dings*
Demand 1 came in.
Phone *dings*
Demand 2 followed…
Phone *dings*
I tried to explain my limitations at the moment but the reply went something along the lines of, “I’m sorry you’re suffering but…” But there was no grace. No exceptions, no passes, no calling off sick, no way to reschedule, nothing. As much as dislike the title SuperMom, I felt the pressure to keep it up. Make it happen! Do the work! Put your big girl undies on and deal with it. No excuses, suck it up and keep it movin’ momma! I tried to do all of that but I cried. I hate crying. I try to avoid it like vomiting but I cried. I cried like three times over things beyond my control. I drove myself to the CT Scan so on my way home I yelled in the car. Yes, I physically yelled, it felt so odd… I yelled anyway. I had held so much in. Pressure upon pressure to meet demands, jump through hoops and be there for everyone asking for help at any given time has left me depleted. I yelled until I felt I couldn’t do it anymore.

Then I felt stupid for yelling and wondered if anyone thought I was weird.

No one cared. Yelling was odd but it was an emotional release. All that angry yelling energy swirling around my head didn’t feel right so I let the windows down to let all that anger fly out the windows. The wind was blowing through…then just as soon as I let the windows down, I had to quickly let the windows back up because the kids left candy wrappers in the back seat that started flying all around, and I didn’t want to get a ticket for littering. True story. My voice was a little hoarse too. #motherhoodirl

Supermom – Is it an ego trip? Is this prideful? Is it smart? Who’s super?

We run around here meeting demands, jumping through hoops and making things happen while we let people continuously pile on things our to do list. Are we taking certain responsibilities off of others who should actually carry their own load? In my case, yes. I have. I’ve said, “Oh, I can do it. I got this.” Now my body is saying, “No, botched lip hives chick no, you can’t!” No one mom should have to bare a load alone, but we do and society has given us a label to be proud of while we do it. Superrrrr Mom! Yeah she’s the one worn out at the end of the day. So there I am, hives and 5 shots later, wondering what am I doing? Why am I doing this?

Why Supermom anyway? What makes us think we have to do all this stuff? Well, the world puts unrealistic pressure on mothers. We are influenced to think if we can do it all, we are great and it’s reinforced by applauses, compliments, thank yous, and social media worthy posts. We are tricked into thinking if we don’t do it all, we are failing. We are shamed into not talking about the dark moments in motherhood for fear of seeming like we don’t love our families. We are told we are a bad wife if we don’t keep the hubs happy. Better keep him happy or else! Again, that’s putting the responsibility of another human’s behavior on to a wife. Listen, the threat of cheating to get you to do more than you should is manipulation. Don’t fall for it. Men are capable of controlling themselves just as much as we are. Still, society puts so much pressure to perform at top levels that it mentally breaks us down and we become ashamed if we don’t like being a supermom, or we feel ashamed if we break down from not being able to handle all of it alone. Often these are lonely moments. Isolation is not healthy.

UnSuperMom – We don’t need stressed out “supermoms” we need regular human moms that say, “No.” We need to teach our kids it’s ok not to do everything. It’s ok to miss out. It’s ok to fail. It’s ok to not over work yourself. It’s ok to set boundaries to protect ourselves from being over worked. A healthy no, does a body good! Practice saying, “No.” You don’t need to tell anyone specifics, a simple “No, I am not able to do that.” should be enough to start clearing things off your plate. Give yourself a break. Open up and talk about the darker side of motherhood to someone you trust. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your family. It means you are a human with emotions. Often mothers need to talk to someone, friends or a professional about the heavy load she carries daily. It’s ok. We all know as moms, we have the good, the bad, and the ugly in motherhood. We are created to love and nurture but it shouldn’t be abused and misused. You need someone caring about you as well. We aren’t so super when we are depleted.
Stress is a killer supermom. Don’t fall for the trick. – Some of us have awakened. -UnSuperMom.

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